Itโs almost a year and a half after I wrote this post and a lot happened.
Iโve done a lot of testing and analysis of when I got this weird mental state and when I didnโt.
It comes down that our minds seem to use our environment (location, what you see around you, people around you etc.) to identify ourselves.
I was born in the Netherlands and I grew up there. As much as I donโt associate myself to most people there, if I move across the world (eg Japan), I am excited by the novelty of the environment there (neon lights, crazy adventures) but I can associate even less with the people there.
Not like I donโt enjoy being there or like them. But Iโll never on a deep level understand what it is to be Japanese. I do what is to be Dutch. I mean I spent 27+ years there including when my mental frameworks were shaped (my youth).
I stepped into this movement thinking as a distinct anti nationalist. I still am. But I never thought how strong the biological programming of my own culture would be. Itโs engrained. As much as I donโt enjoy so many parts of my culture (itโs boring, predictable, structured, unimaginative, kinda similar to German culture), Iโm part of it.
And here comes the point. Every time I felt lost, I wasnโt part of Dutch culture, but I also really wasnโt part of the culture of the place I was visiting. Even if I connected with locals.
This is highly personal though. And it differs from person to person. What I see in many people that grew up traveling (like third culture kids or the children of expats), that their minds are intrinsically international. My mind WANTS to be that, but itโs not as well trained at it because it never grew up like that.
So when donโt I feel lost?
When Iโm with my Dutch friends having beers and talking shit. When Iโm with my parents watching horrible Dutch TV. Itโs my identity.
Does that mean I canโt or wonโt travel for extended periods of time? No! I love travel. But Iโm aware that I need to be a large part of the time in my own country, with my own friends, to feed my brain and not feel lost.
Iโve always been scared to type this stuff because it seems slightly hypocritical to be someone who promotes travel and nomads as the future. And I do believe in that. I never said it wouldnโt be challenging mentally though. It is for me.